think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
