just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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