So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
