my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
