She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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