she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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