What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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