Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
