What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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