Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
