where am i from again
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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