I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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