i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
