she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hippo gnu deer
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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