you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
