About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
