bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
