me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
