im having a threesome with these popsicles
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize