If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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