I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
