oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
