I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
