The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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