dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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