I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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