Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize