I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
