Non-Jews are for practice
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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