Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
