I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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