Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
