I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
