I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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