i just google imaged poop.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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