Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
