Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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