Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
