I want to stick my p in your. b.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
