Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
