Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
