If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
