I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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