Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
