I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
