You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize