I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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