he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
