you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
