Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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