I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
