He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
