I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
