i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
