i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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