could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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