her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
