I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize