fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
