I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
