Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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