you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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