oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
