We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
