Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
