so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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