we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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