Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
