She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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