Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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