I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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