Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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