Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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