Christians are straight up FREAKS
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
