belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
