Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
