I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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