I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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