Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
