well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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