He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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