Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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