Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love having hate sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
