I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
